I realize that this glass-half-empty approach to Christmas is hardly in the Holiday spirit.
I really do.
But frankly, the thought of creating a list of things that I did want was just too daunting to fathom. When forced to choose between a glass half-empty and a flooded kitchen, I opted for dry socks.
Instead, I've decided to highlight a few of the items that did not make my list to Santa. Because what's Christmas without some good old-fashioned negativity? Am I right?
So, in a world where it's opposite day, here's what I'd request from Santa . . .
1. Cropped Jeans.
Honestly. These are the worst. Not only are they horrifically unflattering and an assault on my already-awkward proportions (long torso, anyone?),
but they've made it absolutely acceptable for every company in existence to cut back on fabric while charging extra.
Some day I'll undoubtedly tout they're wearable practicality and youthful aesthetic.
Today is not that day.
3. Friendship bracelets
Unless they're made by a real friend, an adorable child, or a starving and struggling African orphan, I'm really not interested in paying $60 for a craft project I perfected at the age of 5.
Note: Bracelet in picture is probably beyond my crafting abilities.
4. A clutch
I want to want one. I really do. But an inability to pack light, a love of chunky granola bars, and the memory retention of the old lady Allie from The Notebook do not happy clutch endings make.
Also, I have no life, so looking like a hobo 24/7 works just fine.
5. That stupid Kenzo sweatshirt
Sorry I'm not sorry,
If ever there were a "trend" that made me hate fashionistas, it's this one.
The epitome of unoriginality, if I may.
6. A puppy!
I really really want a puppy.
What did you leave off your list?