10 Things to Know Before You Get Obsessed with Fashion.

Before I became all crazy about clothes and stuff,
I wish somebody would have said:

....

Dear child. 

Dear, poor, poor, doomed child. 

Listen closely. . . 

You like fashion?

You do?

Well here's my bout of unsolicited advice :

1.A.UNO. 

You will never ever have enough money. 

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Never. 

I don't care how many creepy photographers you succumb to sell your soul to, 

or how many shifts you pick up at your humiliating 3rd job,

or how many toilet paper rolls you tactfully ply in half.  

You will always want more,

and more will always want you. 

2. Stop comparing. 

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Just quit it. 

You'll never be better than everybody, so be the best for yourself. 

Seriously.

Cheese-it vibes aside.

If you live your life hoping for half as many comments as Aimee or Leandra, your shoe-obsessed brain cells will explode, and you'll ... well, you'll explode. And that would suck, like, a lot.

Instead, rejoice in the fact that your devoted mom and coolest of cool friends read your blog, and thank god/thegods/thenon-existent god that you have a damn laptop.

3. Chillll out. 

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Whether you decide to pair that outfit with your "retro" tennies or your white pointed-toe heels - it will not, in fact, kill a nation. 

It may, however, give you a minor heart attack. 

4. Always. 

Always

Always

Always

Carry a pair of flats (aka Old Navy flip flops) in your purse.

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I don't care how "insanely comfortable" your $500-for-$100 3.1 Phillip Lim treasures are. 

8 hours later on hard pavement, 

you may choose to retract that original statement. 

5. Stop trying to make people care about your shoes. 

Honestly, just don't even start. 

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Example: Boys on dates do not care about your shoes. 

Example 2: Your mom after a 9 hour work day does not care about your shoes. 

Example 3: Your little sister who hates you for spending money irresponsibly does not care about your shoes.

Example 4: Unless an exception is otherwise noted: Your father did never, and will never, care about your shoes.

Not even Alexander Wangs. 

I know. 

His problem. 

6. Waking up and online shopping on an empty stomach = never a good idea. 

cereal

Put the clothes in your "cart". 

Eat some damn Kashi. 

Contemplate life.

And sit on it. 

If it sells out after 3 spoonfuls of delicious whole grain, it wasn't meant to be. 

7. No. It is not practical to buy 1 pair of shoes per week. 

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How this idea entered your (and by your, I mean my, because in this long-winded blog post it is a  phantom 3rd person administering the wise advice.) brain, I do not know. I do, however, know that your parents are frightened. (and by 'frightened' I mean really really not happy, / also known as: angry.)

8. Just because your favorite website/blogger/magazine/celebrity propones it, 

does not mean your (insert not New York City place of residence) locale will readily accept it. 

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Example?

Example: White shoes. 
Example 2: weird 90s references
Example 3: That gold ring I wear around my neck in reference to Frodo in LOTR --
wait..that's not cool???

Nobody gets me. 

9. Eat

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Karlie Kloss is not human. 

Also, bread is good. 

10. Smile. 

I don't care how much y'all'll (that did not red squiggly underline, btw) want to kill me after I say this, 

but . . .

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you're never fully dressed without a smile. 

I'm sure I missed a few things, 

but like,

I have to get back to shoe shopping and stuff. 

Cheers.

 

/ WHAT?? Who just realized the teen girl from Modern Family was in this?