Dressing 101 for Loners

I spend a lot of time by myself. 

Well, at least I used to. 

Back when I had time.

Still, even now - whenever I'm not working or meeting with others or just generally overbooking my time and therefore acting frantic and incompetent, I prefer to be alone. 

That's right, folks. I like shopping alone. I like working out alone. I even like eating alone. There's just something really comforting about not always having to worry about if the person you're with is having a good time, or annoyed at how you're chewing, or judging you for liking every $5 sale item at H&M. As a chronic people-pleaser, it's nice to sometimes just worry about myself rather than freak out about everyone else around me. 

hashtagnarcissism

That being said, doing things alone requires a certain kind of wardrobe. Not that one ever has to adjust how he or she dresses for others, but sometimes, I myself prefer to dress in ways that will fly under the proverbial radar. Some days,  I just want to be inconspicuously weird.

Inconspicuous weirdness does not always, however, come easily. To maintain one's strange personality while rejecting visual attention is ... tricky. 

Alas, a few tips: 

Tip 1: Cover up. Don't show every inch of your beautiful pasty white & blue-hued vein-filled skin. For example: if you're going to wear shorts, counteract them w/ tons of non-sexy things up top. 

Giant tee?

CHECK

Blatant menswer?

CHECK

Tip 2: Flat shoes. 

Guys, you know I love me some idiotic heels, 

but people cannot help but stare at a loud, wobbling, awkwardly-strutting heel-clad specimen. 

They just can't. 

So abstain.  

Tip 3: Hair down ... or braided. This is counterintuitive, I know, but I've found that high ponytails actually attract more attention than let-down unshowered & dowdy hair ever could. Want to deflect all unwanted male attention and rude female stares altogether? French braid your hair from the very top. #leastsexy/intimidatinglookEver. 

blazer: Anthro, shirt: UO, shorts: Nicole Miller, shoes: Shoemint

Tip 4: Wear a different language on your glaringly oversized t-shirt. 

You'll be unapprochably foreign. 

Tip 5: No eye makeup. 

You'll look sleepy and fetus-like and just generally unwilling to engage in social situations. #ideal

Tip 6: Thick fabrics. Thick textures. Leather, suede, wool. These are good deflectors of folks who would otherwise be tempted to abuse their public sight privileges. Also, wind is very difficult to negotiate with. 

All in all, 

dress in something that makes you feel confident (awkwardness attracts unwanted attention) but not too confident (sexiness attracts unwanted attention). 

All in all #2: 

When in doubt, 

wear a blazer. 

Cheers.