Things I Buy & Never Wear.

I know. 

We've addressed this before. 

But GUYS: it seems to be a recurring problem (understatement).

Which is perfectly fine. 

Well, it's perfectly fine if you're living a lifestyle similar to that of Muffy's in Arthur (aardvarks repreSENT) or someone else's who is either extremely rich or extremely fictional. 

If, however, you are more like yours truly, and find yourself struggling daily with the notion that without that ceaseless (though likely ambivalent) generosity of your parents, you would indeed have already lost your full set of fingers and toes this week while dying on the freezing (understatement) streets, it might be time to take a second look at the criteria you use prior to purchasing. 

So here are a few things I'm teaching myself to think about before buying things like, say, giant huge denim parachute pants that fit into nearly no social situations and literally prove deadly for someone who broke her hip while walking, in flats, on flat pavement, in the flattest state on Earth. 

obnoxious pants: Free People, shoes: Nordstrom's Tildon, shirt: borrowed from sis

So...

you should definitely take advice from me. 

Here goes: 

1. Will it hurt you?

Will you get tangled?

Will it make you perpetually cold?

Will you trip on its oversizedness, or thwart yourself from walking due to its bandage-like-tightness, or mutilate your digestive system with its cinched (but so flattering!) figure?

Will it hinder your peripheral vision?

Or choke you a little bit when you look down? 

Will it slaughter your poor feet?

Youth permits stupidity, but at the ripe old age of 23 and the sobering prospect of 6 dental fillings within the next month, I'm slowly facing the realization that the infinite handfuls of jelly beans and the four inch heels in my life may not, in fact, be my best bet for longevity. 

2. Will it ostracize you?

Distinguish you?

Fine. 

Make you unapproachable to the majority of your peers?

Compound your already hobbit-obsession fueled loner tendencies?

a "weird dresser"

Don't rule it out, just think it over twice. Surroundings are a legitimate variable of personal style. Denying something because it doesn't make you feel how you want to feel in your current environment isn't always succumbing - sometimes, it's adapting. 

3. Could you wear it two days in a row inconspicuously?

Laundry is over-rated. 

So is waking up early enough to rethink an outfit. 

Or looking cool all the time. 

4. Will it deteriorate in comfort throughout the course of the day?

Forever 21 Jeans, H&M shoes, headbands, crappy sweaters, cheap underwear.

& stuff that makes it evident that you just ate lunch.

'nuff said

5. Is it "season-dependent"?

Two season minimum, folks. That's my motto. Then again, that's also coming from the flower-pants-in-December, white-shoes-in-winter, leather-pants-in-July wearing idiot over here. So #withagrainofsalt. 

6. Will it go with a t-shirt?

Because if not, I hope it looks good topless. This t-shirt fixation I've got going on is getting a tad bit out of control.

7. Is it you, or is it someone else?

I find that the items I buy out of pure instinct are usually the ones that I tend to wear the most. 

Granted, at this point my "instincts" are so influenced by sales, salespeople, social media and "celebs" that I hardly know what I'm feeling anymore.  

Anyone else have any tips for how to make practical purchases?

Or maybe practicality as a whole is overrated?

Cheers.