Reasons Why Single People at Movies Can Dress Cooler

Dear friends: 

Let us, for a moment, consider an entirely hypothetical situation:

(And by hypothetical I mean mildly-masked re-evaluation of a personal life event.) 

There comes a time in every woman's life, when she must surmount a challenge that has been unfairly stigmatized for her by generations of former happy couples and interdependents: 

and that is . . .


attending a movie on her own. 

This time came for me when I was 16. 

I don't remember the first film I attended solo - but I do remember that by the time The Dark Knight came out, I was stag film attending like a recluse pro. See, from early on, I've been consistently confident in my own propensity towards singledom. Valentines were never given (cough or received cough), hands were never held, proms were never attended- and for the most part, I've been OK with that. 

I mean, as far as I saw (see) it, who needs real companionship when you have the kiss scene from season 1 of The Office, Karl from Love Actually, and a soaking wet Mr. Darcy?

Nobody. Your answer should be nobody. 

And yet, for some inexplicable reason, many find it necessary to co-attend various events - such as our infamous movie theatre spectacle. 

I've justified my lonerdome thought this through, though, and realized that, unfortunately for couples, it's actually more fun to dress for a date with yourself than a date with someone else. 

Reason 1: You can be warm. 

No tactfully-revealed shoulders here, folks. Just fully-covered necks and well-insulated arms. Sure, maybe that non-existent date would have given you his North Face zip-up when you did a little dramatic shiver in your too-low tank top- but maybe he wouldn't have. And judging by my (admittiedly minimal) Wisconsin dating experience - I wouldn't hold your breath. 

On that note . . . 

Reason 2: You can breathe

Never underestimate the power of pants that don't make you want to throw up. Sitting for 2 (3? 4? #moviesthesedays) hours in pants that make your butt look super cute but also don't fit unless you're standing up (on your tip toes) (while sucking in) is less than enjoyable #tosaytheleast.

Reason 3: You can wear weird jewelry. 

People at movies hold hands, (so I've heard) (from my 6th grade former self) Hand chains, chunky bracelets, and double-as-weapon rings are hardly conducive to relaxing hand-holding (so I've heard) (from my brain). But solo attending? Wear away. I, personally, prefer something that will provide ample fiddling distraction as the person behind you proceeds to chew their popcorn like it's the first meal they've had in months. #whyIusuallypreferwatchingTheOfficererunsathomeanyways

Reason 4: You can wear heels.

blazer: Zara, shirt: Target, jeans: Gap, shoes: Zara

This one may be counterintuitive, seeing as most folks would perceive the act of wearing heels as a form of getting dressed up- something you only do for others. 

But they'd be Wrong-o. 

Heels are, in fact, a strange beast (especially in Wisconsin). Don't wear them, and you risk saggy-butt--Wear them, and you risk male-intimidation/weird-out-ation. 

See- men don't understand the notion of an eclectic heel. If it's not functional (i.e. if you're wearing it for reasons other than deriere-enhancement), the purpose is entirely lost on them. Which is why getting to wear obnoxious heels to a movie is something you can confidently do alone. Then throw in the benefit of not having to worry about emasculating an already-insecure male specimen. And an extra added bonus: When walking out, you can feel like Carrie Bradshaw leaving a late-night NY show with loads of review thoughts spinning through her head and a slight air of self-pity for the lonely girl in turtlenecks and high heels. 

Reason 5: You can dress for you. 

Or, I should really say, you can dress for who you want to be. 

I use going to movies as an outlet for my need to escape my mind -- my life. That feeling you get when you walk out of the theater and you think that, just for a moment, you could be like the female lead. You could have that much confidence, you could be that effortlessly talented, you could make Mr. Darcy change his ways, or Orlando Bloom go to pirate battle, or the penguins from Happy Feet dance (not the same thing? Don't care.)

When I leave that movie, I want to be dressed in a way that's going to make me feel the way I want to feel that night. Do I want to feel powerful? I'll wear a blazer. Helpless? Baggy tees. City like? Jeans and heels. Which is interesting. Because as much as movies are about observing someone else's experience, they're sort of a great way for us to gauge our current emotional state and take away a select few personality traits that our psyche is needing at that moment. 

Here's what I wore last night: 

I wanted to feel like a sporty European hunter who's fierce but also still uses an Otter Box.

I succeeded

Cheers.