Blogs make me feel like crap.

Blogs make me feel like crap. 

me feeling like 'crap', often mistaken for 'constipated'

It's crass, but it's the truth. 

I don't know when my trips to The Glamourai stopped being inspirational and started being overwhelming, but they did. 
Now I only "read" blogs mostly to ensure that I haven't missed any critical fashion news. 

You know, like how Radiant Orchid is the color of the year, or how normcore (i.e. dressing like my father) is all at once both a thing and not a thing, or how the shoes I wore every day of 6th grade are actually now very cool and should be worn with equal frequency but only around people who follow the same blogs as me or I risk the (understandable) assumption that I haven't changed outfits since 6th grade.

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Frankly, I'm pretty sure that I could make most of this shiz up myself anyhow. 

(ex: did you hear? Butterfly clips are back!!!)

The thing is--
I don't want to come across as bitter. 

I mean, I am, but I'd prefer my sentiments here to be construed more as an analysis of an unexpected reaction to a once-positive stimuli than as part 1 of a vendetta against pretty, well-photographed, yet unfathomably successful women. 

Alas, I imagine I sound rather sour all the same. 

It's just, the fire I once felt for so many (in?)famous fashion bloggers is so diluted by my inability to comprehend their insane level of success, their simultaneous lack of humility, and the strange third wall that has gone up between their blogging cliques ("Minkettes"?) and the rest of humanity- that I can't help but feel a little bit lost. 

Am I supposed to keep playing along? Am I supposed to continue to cite my favorite bloggers in interviews, and to keep up with the latest (less than laudable) collaborations of ironic(?) tees and mediocre minimalism, or to aspire to their seemingly ideal standard?

Am I supposed to envy their status? Their opportunities? Their connections?

Am I supposed to keep acting like a fangirl?

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Maybe. But it kind of makes me feel sick. 

I miss the source of inspiration and community -- that reassuring feeling that the world was full of creative, self-motivated, and independent-thinking people. 

I miss that feeling of being motivated to make a change - to do something unique. 

Now, I only feel a debilitating sense of self-doubt, laced with an unmistakeable tinge of jealousy.

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Which, maybe if I exhibited a stronger sense of self, I wouldn't. 

But isn't that what blogs were about in the first place? Strengthening our inner voices as opposed to making us feel embarrassed that maybe ours is uncool or unworthy?

Which mine obviously is- 

But I'd prefer not to be reminded of it so frequently.

Cheers.