Faking Athleticism (just in time for the World Cup!)

I am not athletic. 

I used to fake it well, though. 

My height lent itself nicely to lay-ups, and I worked many years at perfecting the art of looking like I was trying hard to get open without really getting open (#afraidoftheball #literallytheworstbasketballplayerever)

At one point, I thought I might be good at volleyball. 

Then I played some more volleyball and realized that, unfortunately no, I was not good at volleyball.

In the end, I broke my knee, picked up guitar, and made peace with the bitter truth that I'd always be better suited singing the national anthem than I'd ever be standing on the sidelines, hand-over-heart, listening to it faux-emotionally.

Which is OK. 

Because in truth, how applicable to every day life is the ability to "box out" your teenage female opponent by jabbing your butt into their groin with unimaginable fervor?

Hopefully very minimally. 

That being said- there was one problem with this sad realization. One that I struggle with to this day.

And that is 

the loss of team uniforms. 

Despite my reluctance to engage in any form of the actual sport itself, there was something so comforting about showing up to school on game day clad in full team attire. 

Almost like I had friends. 

jk

but kinda

but jk

but kinda

So, like I do most things in life, I decided to fake it.

Cue idiocy: 

Throughout this post, you will find scattered 3 examples of how to wear athletic clothes on the reg without belonging to a team. Or having any skill. At all. Whatsoever.

And also probably simultaneously 3 ways to scare away any potential friends. But that's OK. 

Because you have your team. 

Which is yourself. 

So you have yourself.

#independentwoman

But SRSLY: Try wearing a fake varsity shirt with a too-tight skirt. Or a tennis skirt with a Grecian shirt. Or Richard Simmons shorts w . . .anything,

 because they're Richard Simmons shorts. 

outfit 1 -> skirt,shirt,boots: my sister's, outfit 2 -> skirt: vintage, shirt: Target, shoes: Tibi, outfit 3 -> shorts: my mom's "Dolphins", jacket: H&M Conscious Collection, shoes: Nordstrom's

Or you could just join a sports team and get a real uniform- 

but like..
lame.

Cheers.

DIY

skirt: Blaque Label, top: Velvet, booties: Zimmermann

skirt: AG, tee: Elizabeth&James (other countries, of course, are available, shoes: IRO

shorts: Only Hearts, tee: HATCH, coat: Haute Hippie, shoes: Jennie Kayne