Good god. Look at that title.
NAIL CONFESSION, guys!
I have bitten mine for....
Or, for as long as the brilliant specimen that is my brain can recall.
This means a few things:
1. I've always felt a particular closeness with Frodo Baggins.
2. I will never marry Nelly. (Which, I realize makes no sense if by some chance you happened to miss the poignant article in Seventeen magazine 15 years ago in which he proclaimed he would never date a woman who didn't take care of her hands & her feet. #scarredforlife #jk #butmaybe).
3. I strongly empathize with Jerry's "man-handed" short-lived companion.
All tolerable consequences, to be sure (#hobbits4life)- Yet lately, I've enjoyed the wonders that are fake nails.
Not only do they keep me from digesting an abnormal amount of ... whatever nails are made of ... but they're also a fun twist on an old classic. And by old classic, I mean the withered and raw stubs that have protruded pathetically from the ends of the chubby fingers of this here elegant woman's hands for the previously established "ever".
The thing is, I don't particularly enjoy telling people that I'm wearing fake nails (except for, of course, you), for the same reason that I don't like taking selfies in public or trying on clothes in the communal fitting room mirror: it sucks when people assume you're narcissistic.
I mean, I am. Obviously. (have you seen my blog?)
But I don't like people to assume so.
Because, in all honesty: Who are nail decorations really for, anyways?
Is there any better feeling than going to pull your credit card from your wallet, and feeling as if the hands you're looking down at belong to a different woman from that with which you've always identified?
Other than discovering that the cute guy you've been seeing is also coincidentally
filthy rich a prince,
And as a life-long biter,
fake nails are my only chance at nail decorations.
So when Naomi from Jamberry asked if I wanted to try out one of their nail wraps last week, I was 100% gung-ho to give up on my black-painted fake nail phase (and by phase I mean run of 4 days) and leap into something a little....
nerdier more intelligent.
After all, you know my motto:
If you can't read, just put words on your nails and hold them against books.
That's feminism, right?
Get your own jammin', berry cool,
nail wraps here.
Get help for nail-biting here.
Don't want to touch your nails but like nail polish?
Get a nail polish paperweight here!
Or a nail polish clutch here.
or the alexander wang booties that you've looked at 8 times a day every day for 2 weeks here!