Every once and awhile I like to repurpose content for the sake of proving that I live outside of this blog.
Because I actually don't,
it's like a game of fashion blogger make-believe!
Today I thought I'd share the real stories behind my instagramz so that you might see how uncool I actually am.
1. 4 Cups of Coffee in the Morning: These photos were actually taken while doing a photoshoot capturing the idiocy that is blogging. (Picture pictures being taken of me taking pictures of my coffee from the top-down . . . then using these pictures on Instagram like it was some sort of artistic exploration of my coffee rather than just an exploration of me being an idiot).
2. Wheel Life: This pose lasted for .35 second before I fell out and got stared at by a nice old couple and an incredibly vicious set of cranes that were also occupying the deserted parking lot in which we "shot" this gem.
3. No, thank YOU: This photo was taken after I had a panic attack for not sending enough thank you notes in the course of my life.
These are the types of things about which I have panic attacks, btw.
4. Put a Word on It: As my recent post so snarkily quipped; though I no longer read (I'm becoming roughly 34% dumber every day I write this blog), I'm certainly quick to create the illusion that I do, huh? True life story: this photo took me like, 45 tries to take. Holding a book up w/ one hand while photographing it with the other is....annoying.
5. Birthday Babe: Not a lot to say about this shot other than it was on the morn of my 24th birthday and I proceeded to lay in bed and watch romantic comedies until about 2am, at which point I lamented the fact that I spent my entire golden birthday laying in bed watching romantic comedies. #partyonwayne
6. I'm so Board: FUN FACT: This is actually a broken windsurfer & a half-cracked kayak oar that doesn't actually touch the water when I try to paddle with it. Not a paddleboard. And this photo was taken (by my mom) between almost-falls during which I shrieked and echoed my disturbingly loud voice across the whole lake much like a dying raccoon.
7. Sun-fie: (Like selfie, but in the sun): Taken in a local park while lying by myself on the same towel with which I take a shower in a swimsuit and athletic shorts (my thighs are ... well, mine) and only feet away from a homeless man who then proceeded to stare at me for a good 15 minutes before I eventually decided to pick up and maybe not be the subject of whatever voyeuristic phenomenon appeared to be taking place.
8. Ima Take Your Grandma's Style: While digging through some stuff (well, "packing", but you know - it's me so ... digging through some stuff), I came across these pilgrim-esque gems. THESE ARE AMAZING exclaimed I to my mom who then tried to murder me for again retaining when I was supposed to be purging. but really. They are amazing. And they were my grandma's. And we have/had the same size feet. So..
hope my NYC roommates like shoes in the kitchen cupboards!!!!!
9. Nudist Nails: Went to Walgreens at 11pm on my birthday. Picked up some gum and some putty-colored nail polish. Went home. Sat in my shower (all white). Painted my nails. And the shower ("HI"). Took these photos. Felt sorry for myself. Made these photos into a collage. Felt sorry for myself. Adjusted the white balance in the photos so that they matched more closely. Felt really sorry for myself. The end.
In sum: Fashion instagramming is really glamorous
and I definitely should have more followers
because I'm obviously incredible.